Oh Lord, thou has searched me, and known me.
Thou knowest my downsitting and my uprising, thou understandeth my thought a far-off.
Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
Thou has beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me.
Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts.
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in thy way.
This psalm is a beautiful declaration of what it means to let the Lord into your life and to feel His love knowing that He can be entrusted with your deepest thoughts.
When you finally understand that you can do that - you can tell God everything, then you can stop trying to hide from Him like a naughty child hiding from a parent. At last you learn that you can run to Him and He will help you through every challenge life throws your way.
I have always believed that I am my own worst enemy. Learning to understand myself, my fears, my insecurities, my gut level reaction to things has been my personal journey. Why do I react the way I do? What causes insecurities? Why do I avoid certain situations? Why is it so hard to deal with conflict? Why do I worry about things that have no eternal significance? Do I have anything about me that makes me unique? How can I survive another dark and gloomy January? I want to love my neighbor but she is so unlovable, etc etc.
I have an inner life that is so often inconsistent with my outer life. The Lord has been my best friend is I have shared all of those struggles with Him. He knows my heart - that it is good. He knows my thoughts and knows they don't always match my heart. But He and I together are working on it. I am so grateful for His unconditional love and for His faith in me. I am so happy to have someone I can "say it all" to.
Hymn # 129 Where Can I Turn for Peace?
Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger or malice
I draw myself apart, searching my soul.
Where when my aching grows, where when I languish
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is The quiet hand to calm my anguish
Who, who can understand? He, only one.
He answers privately. Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind. Love without end.
It's funny how sometimes you have something on your mind and it appears again again on the same day. Last evening I finally finished the book I was reading - 1 of the mitford series by Jan karon. Tim and Cynthia have been in the small coastal town for a year and he has served as their interim priest. It reminded me of the Harbert sense in Santa Rosa :-)
he is pain during their time there and his wishes for these people he has come to love. It is so easy to relate to his thoughts here. Just substitute a different relationship for the word "priest" in the paragraph that begins,"For this fragile time..."
"some have been in the church all their lives and have never known this mighty, marvelous, and yet simple personal relationship (with God). others believe that while such a relationship may be possible, it's not for them - why would God want to bother with them, except from a very great distance? in reality, it is no bother to God at all. He wants this relationship far, far more than you and I want it; and I pray that you will ponder that marvelous truth.
but who among us could ever deserve to have such a wondrous and altogether unimaginable thing as a close, personal, day-to-day relationship with almighty God, creator of the universe?
it seems unthinkable, and so... We are afraid to think it.
for this fragile time in history, this tender and fleeting moment of our lives, I am your priest (substitute relationship here). God has called me to lead this flock. As I look out this morning, my heart has a wish wish list for you. 4 Heald marriages, good jobs, the well-being and safety of your children... On and on there are for rent desires upon my heart for you. But Chief among the hopes, the prayers, the petitions is this: Lord, let my people know dot-dot-dot to know him not only a Savior and Lord, but as a friend...
in the storms of your life, do you long for the constellation of his nearness and his friendship? You can't imagine how he longs for the constellation of yours. It is unimaginable isn't it, that he would want to be near us - frail as we are, weak as we are, and hopeless as we so often feel. God wants to be with us. That, in fact, is his name, : Immanuel, God With us...
there are some of you who want to be done with seeking him once a week, and crave, instead, to be with him day after day, telling him everything, letting it all hang out, just thankful to have such a blessing in your life as a friend who will never, under any circumstances, leave you, and never remove his love from you. Amazing? Yes it is. It is amazing
this all reminds me of the book The God Who Weeps. Such a beautiful affirmation of how much God loves us and why we interned love him. It is only because he loves us so that we can truly worship Him.
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