Psalm 22:1, 7-8

Psalm 22:1, 7-8

My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?  

All they that see me laugh me to scorn; they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying, 

He trusted on the Lord that he would deliver him; let him deliver him seeing he delighted in him.

I think back to the months and years before my divorce when I prayed so hard for the Lord to change my husband's heart, to help him see and feel the truth of the Gospel, to put in his path people with whom he could identify who would be the ones who "made a difference". I would hear people bear testimonies how the Lord place people on their path who helped them. Surely the Lord could do that now for my family. I had faith. Surely if I had faith enough I could move this mountain.

But the heavens were silent. My prayers remained unanswered. I was forsaken and in a spiritual crisis as I tried to understand why.

Now switch gears here. It is a typical afternoon at a high school. A group of friends are gathered in the hall by their lockers. One has a copy of the upcoming test and is inviting the others to join him at his house that evening "study". But one young man stands up and says "No thanks. That's wrong. I'll study on my own." The others laugh at him, "Do whatever, Mister Good Guy, but we'll be laughing when the grades come out and we all pass and you fail!"

It is guaranteed that we will all have times when we feel forsaken by God. We will all have times when our friends will not support our values. These times can be traumatic. They don't happen over insignificant events. They are the "times which try the souls of men". 

Why?

I believe the key to understanding lies in a scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants.

D&C 100:15-16

Therefore let your hearts be; for all things shall work together for good to them that walk uprightly, and to the sanctification of the church. For I will raise up unto myself a pure people.

The Lord wants a pure people, a people of integrity. The Lord can not follow us around telling us what to do all the time.  He expects us to grow "in light and truth" and begin to follow the light within.  

A person of integrity lives a life based on his or her own inner sense of what is right or wrong. Their inner and outer lives are in perfect sync. They do not need spiritual confirmations of every action and they don't need the approval of their friends. Even when others don't approve or understand  - the person of integrity acts out of principle guided by the light within.

There is a great little song that was part of a play called "My Turn on Earth". It goes like this:

When it's hard to tell what's wrong and what's right

When it's hard to tell what to do,

When the way looks dark and you're stumbling around

Here's a word for you.

Look - for - that - 

Bright, little, right, little, light inside

Helping you to see your way.

Look - for - that - 

Bright, little, right, little, light inside

Growing brighter day by day.

It'll show you the road that you should take

And it will never grow dim.

Just keep in touch with your Father above

'Cause it was lit by him.

Well, other lights might flicker and fade

And your best friend could lead you wrong.

So when darkness sneaks into your life

Sing this simple song.

There are days when you can't find the sun

And the whole world looks awful dark,

But the shadows can be chased far away

With the smallest spark.

**********************

The Man in the Mirror by Dale Wimbrow,1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you King for a day

Just go to a mirror and look at yourself

And see what the man has to say.

For instance your father, your mother or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass,

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life,

Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people may think you are a straight-shooting Chum

And call you a wonderful guy.

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest

For he's with you clear up to the end.

And you have passed your most difficult test

It's the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down your pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass,

What's your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you cheated the man in the glass.

The Young Women's Personal Progress program uses this scripture: Job 27:5
Till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.

The value statement for integrity says, "I will have the moral courage to make my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong."

I have found (and learned from error all too often) that I can only like myself when I am true to my conscience, that voice that is within me. One of the very best things that comes from journaling is that you start having conversations with yourself about what you do believe. It's a wonderful place to work out the kinks and align your inner and outer selves.