Psalm 116

The psalmist takes a moment to recount his blessings from the Lord and realizes all the many ways his life has been touched by the hand of the Lord.

It begins "I love the Lord because he hath heard my voice and my supplication."

It is very easy to identify with this particular psalm.  We each could write something similar.  It reminds me of the words of John in 1 John 4:19 where he says, "We love him, because he first loved us."

My experience has been that early in life I loved Jesus because I had been taught of him and He represented some ideal for me, a way to be a good person.  It wasn't until I experienced some of life's struggles and went to God, my Heavenly Father, in "fervent prayer" and felt His love for me and His strengthening power in my life that I truly loved Him - for then I knew Him.

I have a feeling that the author of this psalm had a similar experience.  He says, I love the Lord because:

• He has heard my prayers
• He has been with me during my troubles
• When I was "brought low" he helped me
• He has been generous and merciful to me
• He delivered my soul from death (perhaps brought him from depression to joy again?)
• He delivered my eye from tears (comfort)
• He delivered my feet from falling (strength)

The psalmist recalls all these ways the Lord has touched his life and then says, "What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?"

There is only one thing the Lord wants from us.  He wants our hearts, our love.  He knows that if we love Him our lives will begin to change for eventually, over time, we become that which we love.  When we love someone we just naturally want to be like them.  Those qualities which drew us to love them become the qualities we want to emulate.

It's Christmas and the season is filled with love.  People are kinder, looking for opportunities to love and to serve.  As we remember God's great gift of love, we become more loving.

1 John 4:10 says, Herein is love,not that we loved God but that he loved us, and sent his Son.

On Christmas day God expressed His love for each of us be sending the Christ child.  The love we feel at this time of the year is the beautiful response to that gift as people turn their hearts to Him.  This is all he wants - our love which is best expressed in our kindness to those around us.

Psalm 118: 6,8

Psalm 118: 6,8

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear, what can man do unto me? 

It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.

These two verses jumped off the page at me this morning - a reflection of what has been on my mind. I am distraught over our present president and the Republican party. And even more disturbing is the fact that you don't hear anyone (at least only a few) speaking up for true principles. There is a vacuum - it complete loss of moral leadership.

I try to watch enough of the news to know what is going on but I find it leaves me disturbed, unsettled. I have nightmares all too often.

And so I have had to resolve to focus my attention and energy on the things that I can control and which brings peace and happiness to my life.

Reading my scriptures and channeling my thoughts is and has been for many years now the place where I work through the things that are on my mind. It's where I define myself. I'm talking to myself and writing what I believe - what makes me me. It helps to write things down. What I write on paper I can let go of - as if I've taken the thought and put it in a safe place. Now I don't have to carry it around any more.

Scripture reading combined with journaling helps me realize how universal some of my issues are. I am not alone in struggling with my frustration with government. Here in the Psalms the writer is expressing the same frustration PLUS he is suggesting an idea that helped him. Trust in God.

I find that when I get upset with politics, I find peace and happiness by focusing my time and energy on things that have eternal importance. There is after all "peace in righteous doing".

So where do I find myself finding that peace?

Family

Friends

Service

Genealogy / Temple work

My husband and our relationship

This life I have is very simple. Yesterday was a lovely day - A satisfying day. Got up and wrote the talk I will give on the 24th at a sacrament meeting in the Young Single Adult ward. Exercised. Which shopping for Christmas presents for a few friends.

Began to deliver those gifts, stopping to visit along with the gift-giving.

Came home, talked to my daughter on the phone.

Went to my neighbor's home to sample some sweet bread some Guatemalan friends had given her. Exchanged gifts. Learned what a spurtle is and how to roll a ball of yarn so that the yarn comes out of the center of the ball!

Came home and helped my husband with a Photoshop project. Answered some emails. Read my current novel before crashing in bed.

Today will be similar and how lovely that we are able to have such a good life. I feel so very blessed.

Psalm 119: 41-43

Psalm 119: 41-43

Let thy mercies come also unto me, O Lord, even thy salvation according to Thy word. So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me; for I trust in thy word. And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth; for I have hoped in thy judgments.

Because I was reading the talk by Sharon Eubank where she talks about how women must be articulate in talking about the gospel - my mind caught on to this section of Psalm 119 - " So shall I have wherewith to answer him that reproacheth me;"

I would like to be articulate in speaking Gospel truths.  Here is a simple example from yesterday. We had a guest for Christmas dinner - a woman who is new in our ward and I have been assigned to be her visiting teacher. We were asking her questions about her life.

At one point she was telling us about a relative with whom she has had problems and is still angry at him. Then, lo and behold, his house burned down. She said something like "The Lord did this for me. He loves me and he won't allow others to treat me unkindly."

We said something to challenge her on this but she is smart - she knows her scriptures so she quoted, "Vengeance is mine, said the Lord."

This was one of those rare times when I felt like I really knew what to say.  I said to her, "Yes, vengeance belongs to the Lord. When we are feeling vengeful, the Lord says, "Give it to me. That is a terrible burden for you to carry. Let me take that from you. I can remove that from your heart."

I told her that God is so great that He can take those feelings and hold them for us but He does not then turn around and act with vengeance! God is good. He can only do good.

It is hard when we are angry to remember that God loves the person we are angry at as much as He loves us.

I believe she listened but we'll see. But what I know is that I spoke with power and testimony born of years of working out for myself what I believe about issues like vengeance. Why do there exist discrepancies in the scriptures about the character of God?!!

To be a faithful Latter-Day Saint requires that you be knowledgeable and articulate. I was grateful to have been able to speak to her as I did today.

Psalm 119: 97-105

Psalm 119: 97-105

O, how I love thy law! It is my meditation all the day.

Thou, through thy commandments, hast made me wiser than mine enemies; for they are ever with me.

I have more understanding than all my teachers; for thy testimonies are my meditation.

I understand more than the ancients, because I keep thy precepts.

I have refrained my feet from every evil way, that I might keep thy word.

I have not departed from the judgments, for thou has taught me.

How sweet are thy words unto my taste! Yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

Through thy precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.

THY WORD IS A LAMP UNTO MY FEET AND A LIGHT UNTO MY PATH.

To truly have joy in the gospel you have to finally have some perspective about the commandments. Here is what they are not:

• They are not a test.
• They are not an effort to control our lives.
• They are not a standard by which blessings and punishments are administered.
• They are not outdated.
• They are not "Do what I say or else!

To command is to exercise authority and to order others. I spent my childhood visualizing God the Father as this angry authority figure who did exactly that. He was that God of the Old Testament who wiped out cities and nations when they "broke the rules". Lot's wife was turned to stone. Sodom and Gomorrah gone. And as much as I loved Noah and all those animals on the ark, that story reminded me of what would happen if I did not obey.

No wonder I loved Jesus - the man who came to teach us how to love. The Jews could have their God. I would follow Christ.

With that paradigm in my head I interpreted all the scriptures to fit my understanding. And I carried that belief far too long. I believe it affected my feelings toward all male authority figures.

Over the years I gradually began to adopt a new paradigm - the loving Heavenly Father.

The Young Women's Theme affected me profoundly when it was introduced. "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him."

Then teaching from Preach my Gospel while we were on our mission in Santa Rosa, California did the same. "God is our loving Heavenly Father."

But I must say that the book "The God Who Weeps" by Terryl and Fiona Givens was pivotal. I was in my seventies when I read this book! I wept the whole way through that book. The Givens did not give me a whole new belief system - and alternative to LDS doctrine. They showed me the loving Father of LDS Church doctrine. They freed me to read the scriptures, interpret the scriptures and see the love that is woven throughout.

I began to love the Gospel even more. With this new paradigm I have come to see the commandments and all other teachings in the scriptures as the pleadings of this Father who loves His children so much that He wants them to know the path to happiness. I relate to this Loving Parent because I know how much I love my children.

I have this lovely version of my exit interview before I left my home above to come down to heaven.  It involves me sitting down with Heavenly Father and I would assume Mother, too.  They are assuring me of their love and reminding me of their plan and why earth life is so important.  "While you are there your job will be to discover principles that will bring you happiness when you live them.  You'll recognize them because they will remind you of us and of your home here.  But to help people remember them we have given them to prophets.  They are written in the scriptures and are called The Ten Commandments and we do so hope you will choose to live by them.  Just remember that each is based on a principle.  Don't ever get caught up in the language whereby truth is presented.  Look for the underlying principles and live by them.  Each will help you become the person you are meant to be."

One last thought before I talk about the commandments.  Too much emphasis on commandments and obedience doesn't seem healthy.  I often refer to this quote by Joseph Smith:

 “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.” (Messages of the First Presidency, comp. James R. Clark, 6 vols., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75, 3:54.) 

I totally agree that we should be teaching principles, not commanding people to do anything.  The following scripture says why: 

 D&C 58:26
For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

Hopefully, our roles as leaders and parents reflect this teaching of Joseph Smith.

Now let's look at The Ten Commandments knowing that within each is a principle that will bless our lives if we choose to live it. I look back over my life and see how much just those basic ten "commandments/principles" have blessed me and how many struggles in life are centered in them. This quote by G.K. Chesterton is quite appropriate:

"The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the ten commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion, but, on the contrary, of its liberality and humanity. It is shorter to state the things that are forbidden than the things permitted; precisely because most things are permitted, and only a few things are forbidden."

GK Chesterton quote

                                                         **********************

THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME

I have learned to focus my life on things that have eternal significance. I believe I put God first in my life when I am so focused. Whether it is raising a family, serving in church or community, how I treat the children who entered my classroom each day, or honoring all people as children of God, I was putting God first in my life. I see everything as a part of His creation and make an attempt to care for all around me as a way to honor my Heavenly Father. It has been a wonderful and happy way to live my life. I feel so blessed everyday.

THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGE

this commandment reminds me that the best things in life cannot be seen with the eye: love, charity, kindness, forgiveness, a grateful heart, etc.

It is so easy to get caught up in believing happiness comes from things we can own. "Where your treasure is, there will be your heart also." We are easily distracted by the pursuit of material things. But as evidenced by this year's fires and hurricanes, those things can be gone in a minute. The trick is to use them gratefully but keep our hearts focused on eternal principles - things unseen that will remain with us when the storms are gone.

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

This was an important concept to the Jews. They honored God by honoring His name. In fact, they chose not to even speak His name - instead they substituted "ha - shem" ( the name).

Perhaps the principle we can learn here is that how we speak to and about a person is a reflection of who we are. When we use the name of God properly, it reflects our deepest feelings about Him, our respect for Him.

As we learn to speak respectfully to and about God we learn to control our thoughts and our tongue. We choose not to use common phrases that we here all the time such as "Oh, God", " Oh, my God", or "Jesus Christ" as a way to express frustration. But it goes deeper than that because we must learn to speak respectfully to everyone for they are God's children. 

So much of swearing is used to express anger and to hurt another person. I believe such unkind language hurts relationships and shows a lack of respect.

By choosing to refrain from any such disrespectful or"vain" language, I show how much I love and honor my fellow man and at the same time, respect God who is our Father.

Maybe swear words are in fact weapons and need to be buried as did the Lamanites who covenanted to never kill again. I know for myself that every bad word I have ever spoken was used as a weapon against another person. When I made a conscious effort to eliminate those words from my vocabulary, I eliminated much of the angry feelings that accompany them. I was forced to deal with disagreements in healthy ways. It was a great blessing to me to make that change.

REMEMBER THE SABBATH DAY TO KEEP IT HOLY

For all my life, Sundays have been a special day. Sunday has meant worship, beautiful church music, thoughtful lessons and being surrounded by friends and family.

It is a weekly, holy day - a holiday from work, a day to relax and recoup from a busy week. I'm not good at making it a productive day. I seem to just need the rest. On the seventh day God rested and so do I.

I love the Sabbath and I'm grateful it has blessed my life all these many years.

HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER

It is interesting that the Lord even had to put this in among the commandments. Every child loves their mom and dad - in an ideal world, that is. But we live in a less-than-ideal world. For some, their parents are the rock they stand on. For others, their parents are abusive or drug addicts. Some of us love our parents when we are young but as we get older we begin to recognize their faults and lose that idealized view and have to adjust our thinking so that we can honor them.

If parents are not perfect, if they are just a pure disappointment, why should we honor them?

Here's another thought I've had. Why begin marriage with eternal covenants? Why not marry civilly or at least not in the temple and then when you're sure that this is the person you want to spend your life AND maternity with - then get that marriage sealed.

And why do we go through all the trouble to find our ancestors and get sealed to them?

Something important is going on here. What is it?

First - we can never fully understand ourselves until we understand our roots.

Second - the family is the most important place for us to learn and practice forbearance, patience, forgiving and being forgiven. This is where we practice what we preach.

3rd - commitment made up front determines the course of action we will take when conflict arises.

I've gone through so many of the stages I described. I loved my parents when I was young. I wished I had different parents when I was a teen. As I did family history and began to ask questions about my parents lives I began to understand them and to understand myself.

As I have done family history, I have often wondered what these people were like? Maybe those couples don't want to be sealed. Maybe those children didn't like their parents.

But I see the ceiling ordinance as a "healing" ordinance. To become like God we must be able to love everyone. The Savior offers that healing - that chance to let go of offenses, of any hurts that evolved in relationships. We are sealed under the priesthood which offers all the blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to each individual.

I like to hope that with all the temple ordinances in place, each family can be free to love each other and allow their life experience to become a learning experience, a pathway to growth.

My family is so important to me. It is where I belong. It's who I am. I'm so grateful for my family. Mom and Dad loved me and I loved them in return. I love my brothers - as different as we are. My extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins means a lot to me. It's been fun to reunite with cousins after years of going our separate ways.

The commandment to honor mother and father is so much more than just that. It is the gift of family for which I will always be grateful.

THOU SHALT NOT KILL (Or as Jesus added, " Whosoever is angry. . ."

It seems to me that the Lord is asking us to do two things here. The first is to value all life. Life is sacred. It is an amazing thing to live on planet earth - the only place that we know of in the whole universe that has life as we know it! Human life with all its complexities and all its complications is a rare and amazing phenomenon. We don't have the right to take that away from anyone.

Even more so - all of life is amazing. The earth is an ecosystem where every living thing has its part to play. Each piece is needed to maintain the system. Whenever humans destroy a piece of the ecosystem there are consequences. We are not to kill anything. We are to learn respect and awe for this magnificent home - Mother Earth.

The second part of this commandments which makes Jesus's addition important is that one task of becoming a responsible human being is to control our emotions. Anger is destructive. Even when it does not lead to murder, it is capable of killing relationships. Agency comes with responsibility. We are responsible for learning to appropriately handle anger which is a normal response to many situations. Unbridled anger is nasty and destructive.

The question for me here is how has this commandment blessed my life? I believe that because the Lord gave us this commandment I've had to do some soul-searching and to come to grips with my own tendency to get angry and even to wish certain people dead. Hitler would be a case in point. I should have been glad to have been a hit man sent in to eliminate this horrible man. But do I have the right to even think that way? Who am I to say who shall live and who should die? This commandment challenges my thinking and combined with the gospel that teaches that God loves all his children - even Adolf Hitler - I have to question my own hatred of this man.

Over years of such inner conflicts I have been able to let go of the anger and the need to judge others. I am able to give judgment to the Lord and trust that at some future time I will have a different perspective on those who I call "evil" people.

For me, the opposite of kill is love. This commandment frees us to love life!

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY (Once again the Savior added to a commandment, "whosoever looketh upon another to lust. . ."

I'm grateful for all the wonderful people I know who value fidelity in marriage and family relations. These people are my heroes in a world gone crazy.

If all the world would live the law of chastity - that all sexual relations be within the bonds of marriage - just look at the heartache that would be avoided:

• No rape
• No prostitution
• No child predators
• No child prostitution and the child slave market it encompasses
• No children born without committed parents
• We could end sexually transmitted disease.
• The Aids/HIV epidemic would have been so much smaller and never the horrible tragedy it became in Africa.
• Women would be honored; never "objects".
• All the sexual exploitation we see in the news would be gone.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

Once again we are asked to love and respect others - this time by honoring the things that belong to them. If we borrow we are to return. We honor human life by honoring human possessions. Control desires. Take charge of your own life and create a way to obtain the things you need.

But that is not the world we live in, is it? We have come to expect the worst. We have home security systems, double locks on doors, identity protection, Norton on our computers. We dare not leave our doors unlocked. Our cars have anti-theft devices. We are taught how to be safe - never leave valuables in our cars, timers on lights make it appear someone is home at all times.

What a world! If only we all would not steal . . .

And yet we all have done this wrong at some time. It may have been a "cookie from the cookie jar" or a piece of candy. It may have been an answer to a question on a test. If we have, it may have been the first time we learned that we do indeed have an inner voice that tells us when we've done something wrong. For many a child this is when they discovered what a "guilty conscience" is.

I know that feeling and I don't like it. Losing integrity with yourself is a terrible feeling. Early childhood experiences of taking something that doesn't belong to us are often one of the best learning experiences we ever have -introducing to us our conscious conscience and helping us to make better choices in the future.

Thou shalt not steal is tied to the tenth commandment - thou shalt not covet but I think that one is the hardest of all.

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR

Most of us will never out-and-out tell lies about another person. Nor will we twist the truth about others. (Washington would certainly be well-served by living this commandment!)

Our challenge lies in speaking well of others and in not gossiping. Another challenge is to just keep and honor confidential information we may have about others.

Love, honor and respect are once again keywords. You don't have to like everyone. Personalities do clash. But we can give respect to all. And the best way we can do this is by how we speak of others.

Case-in-point - we have a neighbor who is bipolar. When she is off her meds, she is a nightmare. She can yell and scream and cuss you out over anything. At such times it would be easy to get caught up in negative conversations about what this neighbor has done this time. We choose not to do that - I read "false witness" to include sharing such stories with our neighbors.

Love, honor and respect is due to all human beings. We are all children of God with challenges of our own. I am blessed by this loving advice from my Father in heaven. I have kinder interactions with others because I choose not to bear false witness.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE, THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE, NOR HIS MANSERVANT, NOR HIS MAIDSERVANT, NOR HIS OX, NOR HIS ASS, NOR ANYTHING THAT IS THY NEIGHBOR'S

I think this commandment is the hardest of all when you live in a culture driven by consumerism as we do here in the United States. We are barraged with the message that "things" will bring us happiness. Not true but...

Don't we find ourselves coveting

• our neighbor's house - all of a sudden ours isn't as satisfying. Their kitchen back-splash is so beautiful. I should redo mine, etc.
• our neighbor's wife - she's thinner, has nicer clothes, her hairstyle is stunning, etc
• our neighbors servants - perhaps a sign of status. Wish I could afford a maid . . .
• our neighbors transportation - another sign of status - perhaps his Lexus or Camry

There will always be something our neighbors, our siblings, our church friends have that is nicer than what we have. And the even sadder thing is that coveting causes us to break other commandments. No one steals without coveting. Murder is often linked to coveting. Adultery is often linked to coveting. Bearing false witness as a result of jealousy goes back to coveting.

I have two antidotes that work for me - the 10th commandment is all about "things". If we make a decision to focus our lives on becoming Christ-like, by developing the qualities of character that defined the Savior, "things" will lose their appeal. There is less satisfaction in the material as we develop the spiritual in our lives. Our hearts will change just as did the Grinch once he realized there was more to Christmas.

My cancer diagnosis in 2014 caused me to really take a good look at my life and evaluate what was really important to me. Relationships are the only things that matter. And all of the Christ-like attributes - everything the Savior taught us  - are the skills we need to make our relationships happy ones. Families are forever!!

The second tool I used to combat my moments when I find myself feeling sorry for myself because I am coveting things - is gratitude.

Counting my blessings is the healthiest thing I do for myself. It fills me with joy.  It fills me - it is like all those little empty spaces inside my heart that think a new "this or that" would bring some joy are so completely filled that there is no emptiness. I am complete. I am happy - not because anything changed but because I stopped to appreciate what I already have.

O, how I love God's laws. They have taught me how to live a happy life. His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. I shall forever be grateful that I have had the Gospel of Jesus Christ to guide my life.

Hymn 125 says the following:

How gentle God's commands

How kind his precepts are.

Come, cast your burdens on the Lord

And trust his constant care.

*********************************

THOU SHALT NOT NAG (Keep reading for an explanation)

If you have read the Anne of Green Gables stories then you already know that Anne could be stubborn and rebellious- in her own childlike, innocent way.  It often got her in deep trouble.  Near the end of the first book, Anne and Marilla are having a conversation about Anne's morning at church.

"I want to tell you something and ask you what you think about it.  It has worried me terrible -on Sunday afternoons, that is, when I think specially about such matters.  I do really want to be good; and when I'm with you or Mrs. Allan or Miss Stacy I want it more than every and I want to do just what would please you and what you would approve of.  But mostly when I'm with Mrs. Lynde I feel desperately wicked and as if I wanted to go and do the very thing she tells me I oughtn't to do.  I feel irresistible tempted to do it. Now, what do you think is the reason I feel like that?  Do you think it's because I'm really bad and unregenerate?

Marialla looked dubious for a moment. Then she laughed.

If you are I guess I am too, Anne, for Rachel often has that very effect on me.  I sometimes think she'd have more of an influence for good as you say yourself, if she didn't keep nagging people to do right.  There should have been a special commandment against nagging."

**********************

Psalm 122:1

Psalm 122:1

I was glad when they said unto me, let us go into the House of the Lord.

Temples- the House of the Lord - have been a part of my life for fifty plus years. I was married in the Manti Temple. My very first temple district was Salt Lake City and that was true even when I was living in Michigan. There were so few temples back in those days. My second temple district was the Washington DC Temple. We loved those bus trips to DC.  Finally Chicago was built and that was so much closer.  We were surprise when we were later assigned to the Toronto Temple. At last we now have our own temple here in Detroit.

As long as the temples were far away, they were perceived as"the place you went to be sealed and / or married." We went to on temple trips perhaps once or twice a year. It was not until we had the Detroit Temple right here among us, that temple work became a very real part of my life.

It was shortly after the Detroit Temples was built in 1999 that I was asked to be a temple worker. That experience was life-changing for me.

Because Detroit has a small temple, the temple workers get to do all the ordinances. It was a lot of work to memorize the words but they are in my head now. The temple is always with me! At any given time when I need a respite. I can meditate upon the temple.

I am glad that they said unto me, "Let us go unto the house of the Lord".

Psalm 125: 1-2

Psalm 125: 1-2

They that trust in the Lord shall be as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed but abideth forever. as the mountains are round about Jerusalem, so the Lord is round about his people from henceforth even forever.

We humans long for stability. We want to know that there are things and people in whom we can put our trust. They will always be there for us.

We are fascinated by the pyramids and ancient ruins. Yet we also know there are civilizations that have completely been destroyed, leaving little evidence they ever existed.

We build homes and communities where we invest in infrastructures that will be there for everyone - schools, community centers, parks. And yet natural disasters this year (2018) have reminded us that cities and even whole islands can be devastated by fires, floods, and hurricanes.

And in today's world where divorce is so rampant, we realize that even our families can be disrupted.

What can we trust? Is there anything permanent? What is there"abideth forever"?

I remember the day I first watched the movie Man's search for happiness. It was at the New York World's Fair in 1964. I had gone with a friend. Her sister had a reunion in New York and we bummed a ride. The fair was magnificent - 140 pavilions hosted by 80 nations but I had one pavilion in mind; the Mormon pavilion. The facade was a replica of the east side of the Salt Lake Temple. The Christus statue that is in the Temple Square Visitors Center was first displayed at that fair. And it was for this fair that the movie "Man's Search for Happiness" was produced.

That movie asked these three questions:

1. Who am I?
2. Where did I come from?
3. Where am I going?

The movie fascinated me. I watched it multiple times. It challenged me to seek a happiness that "doesn't fade with the lights, the music and the crowds".  Those three questions prompted me to think differently about my life and my purpose. This was the day my conversion really began. I was beginning to see things of eternal importance - the things I could trust - the things that "abideth forever". The movie ended with these words: 

"Therein lies your happiness, a happiness deeper than passing pleasure, a happiness beyond the understanding of man, a happiness not of the moment but of eternity. This is every man's search. This is the purpose of life. This is the key to happiness for the God and Father of us all has said 'This is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.' "

I knew right then and there that I wanted a life based on eternal principles. I was seeking and I wanted to know "that the Lord is round about his people from henceforth even forever."

A sentence from my patriarchal blessing describes accurately the change that was taking place in me. "You realize that the things which are most purposeful, useful, and valuable in life are basically of a spiritual nature."

My faith in my Savior and in His restored gospel is the foundation upon which I have lived my life. Such faith does not bring answers to all the complications of human life. But knowing that my Heavenly Father lives, and that He knows and loves me gives me the strength to trust Him and to let go of the things I cannot understand. I put my trust in Him and His plan for His children. I have found happiness in living the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 126: 5

Psalm 126: 5

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

Humans have a great capacity to experience sorrows deeply and then recover and find joy once again. 

Sorrow and joy are bound together. The tree in the Garden of Eden was the tree of the knowledge of both good and evil. It all comes together in the package just like Lehi talks about in 2nd Nephi chapter 2 when he says "for it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things."  Indeed, our capacity for joy is very much increased by our experiences of sorrow.

The good news is that joy does indeed follow sorrow. We have every right to be optimistic when times are bad. We have the power to work through our grief, let go, and be happy again.

A favorite book is "The Faithful Gardener" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes PhD.  It's subtitle is: A Wise Tale About that Which Can Never Die".  

It is the beautifully told story of a man who survived the horrors of WWII and the lessons he taught his young niece. "The Faithful Gardener is, at its captivating core, the story of an open-hearted child who listened well to her old-country elders and who grew up to remember, to bear witness, and, as one of the premier storytellers of our times, to remind readers and listeners of all ages of 'that magisterial life force within all things that strengthens us in times of turmoil or transition, that faithful force which can never die.' "

I hope I can entice you to read the book with these beautiful passages from it.  I hope they will touch your heart and give you an opportunity to think about those times in your life when you had to "be resown".

To be poor and be without trees, 

is to be the most starved human being in the world. 

To be poor and have trees, 

is to be completely rich in ways that money can never buy.

***************************

New seed is faithful. 

It roots deepest in the places 

that are the most empty.

**************************

A Prayer

Refuse to fall down

If you cannot refuse to fall down,

refuse to stay down.

If you cannot refuse to stay down,

lift your heart toward heaven,

and like a hungry beggar,

ask that it be filled.

You may be pushed down.

You may be kept from rising.

But no one can keep you 

from lifting your heart

toward heaven,

only you.

It is in the middle of misery

that so much becomes clear.

The one who says nothing good

came of this,

is not yet listening.

*******************************

What is that which can never die? 

It is that faithful force that is born into us, 

that one that is greater than us 

that calls new seed to the open 

and battered and barren places 

so that we can be resown. 

It is this force, 

in its insistence,

 in its loyalty to us,

in its love of us ,

in its most often mysterious ways, 

that is far greater, 

far more majestic, 

and far more ancient 

than any heretofore 

ever known.

Psalm 139: 1-6; 23-24

Psalm 139: 1-6; 23-24

Oh Lord, thou has searched me, and known me.

Thou knowest my downsitting and my uprising, thou understandeth my thought a far-off.

Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word in my tongue, but, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.

Thou has beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me.

Search me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts.

And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in thy way.

This psalm is a beautiful declaration of what it means to let the Lord into your life and to feel His love knowing that He can be entrusted with your deepest thoughts.

When you finally understand that you can do that - you can tell God everything, then you can stop trying to hide from Him like a naughty child hiding from a parent. At last you learn that you can run to Him and He will help you through every challenge life throws your way.

I have always believed that I am my own worst enemy. Learning to understand myself, my fears, my insecurities, my gut level reaction to things has been my personal journey. Why do I react the way I do? What causes insecurities? Why do I avoid certain situations? Why is it so hard to deal with conflict? Why do I worry about things that have no eternal significance? Do I have anything about me that makes me unique? How can I survive another dark and gloomy January?  I want to love my neighbor but she is so unlovable, etc etc.

I have an inner life that is so often inconsistent with my outer life. The Lord has been my best friend is I have shared all of those struggles with Him. He knows my heart - that it is good. He knows my thoughts and knows they don't always match my heart. But He and I together are working on it. I am so grateful for His unconditional love and for His faith in me. I am so happy to have someone I can "say it all" to.

Hymn # 129 Where Can I Turn for Peace?

Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace

When other sources cease to make me whole?

When with a wounded heart, anger or malice

I draw myself apart, searching my soul.

Where when my aching grows, where when I languish

Where, in my need to know, where can I run?

Where is The quiet hand to calm my anguish

Who, who can understand? He, only one.

He answers privately. Reaches my reaching

In my Gethsemane, Savior and friend.

Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.

Constant he is and kind. Love without end.

It's funny how sometimes you have something on your mind and it appears again again on the same day. Last evening I finally finished the book I was reading - 1 of the mitford series by Jan karon. Tim and Cynthia have been in the small coastal town for a year and he has served as their interim priest. It reminded me of the Harbert sense in Santa Rosa :-)

he is pain during their time there and his wishes for these people he has come to love. It is so easy to relate to his thoughts here. Just substitute a different relationship for the word "priest" in the paragraph that begins,"For this fragile time..."

"some have been in the church all their lives and have never known this mighty, marvelous, and yet simple personal relationship (with God). others believe that while such a relationship may be possible, it's not for them - why would God want to bother with them, except from a very great distance? in reality, it is no bother to God at all. He wants this relationship far, far more than you and I want it; and I pray that you will ponder that marvelous truth.

but who among us could ever deserve to have such a wondrous and altogether unimaginable thing as a close, personal, day-to-day relationship with almighty God, creator of the universe?

it seems unthinkable, and so... We are afraid to think it.

for this fragile time in history, this tender and fleeting moment of our lives, I am your priest (substitute relationship here). God has called me to lead this flock. As I look out this morning, my heart has a wish wish list for you. 4 Heald marriages, good jobs, the well-being and safety of your children... On and on there are for rent desires upon my heart for you. But Chief among the hopes, the prayers, the petitions is this: Lord, let my people know dot-dot-dot to know him not only a Savior and Lord, but as a friend...

in the storms of your life, do you long for the constellation of his nearness and his friendship? You can't imagine how he longs for the constellation of yours. It is unimaginable isn't it, that he would want to be near us - frail as we are, weak as we are, and hopeless as we so often feel. God wants to be with us. That, in fact, is his name, : Immanuel, God With us...

there are some of you who want to be done with seeking him once a week, and crave, instead, to be with him day after day, telling him everything, letting it all hang out, just thankful to have such a blessing in your life as a friend who will never, under any circumstances, leave you, and never remove his love from you. Amazing? Yes it is. It is amazing

this all reminds me of the book The God Who Weeps. Such a beautiful affirmation of how much God loves us and why we interned love him. It is only because he loves us so that we can truly worship Him.

Psalm 140: 1-4

Psalm 140: 1-4

Deliver me, O Lord, from the evil man; preserve me from the violent man which imagine mischief in their heart; continually are they gather together for war. They have sharpened their tongues like a serpent; adders poison is under their lips.  Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from the violent man, who have purposed to overthrow my goings.

I've mentioned several times the terrible calamities that the United States have suffered this year (2018). The California fires, the hurricanes and floods in Florida, Texas and the Caribbean. As awful as those are, they do not bother me as much as does the destruction that man causes; the mass murders, the internet security breaches, the constant gun shootings. We have to protect our homes and our identities from those who spend their time purposely planning how to steal, murder, defraud. . .

Our politicians lie so often we don't know who to believe anymore. They have "'sharpened their tongues . . . "

The psalmist speaks of war but there are many kinds of war. We can be at war with ourselves when we are not living up to our best. We are at war with others when we are feeling hostile toward them. War seeks its own so when we want to reduce or exterminate another person's beliefs or ideas or their right to justice is that not war?

Is the extreme partisanship between the Democrats and Republicans right now not an example of war, a hostility without justification by those we have entrusted to care for our needs.

But the worst of all are those who spend their time planning to do hurtful things to others - those "who purposed to overthrow my doings".

We live in a day an age where you cannot afford to be innocent or naive. There are too many that will take advantage of you.

We pray "deliver us from evil" because evil is real and like the psalmist we need the Lord's help.

Psalm 147: 4-5

Psalm 147: 4-5

He telleth the number of the stars, he calls them all by their names. Great is our Lord, and of great power; his understanding is infinite.

When Jesus taught that God is our Father and we could pray "Our Father which art in heaven" he was emphasizing that God is approachable. He knows us and loves us and wants to be a part of our lives.

The danger is that we come to see God the Father in such intimate terms that we forget His Hreatness and Majesty. We forget that Sunday is the day we come together to worship - to come in both reverence and awe at His wondrous works. I like therefore the psalist's simple reminder that He knows every star and calls them by name. He is a god of Great Power and Majesty. He is God the Almighty - and yet He loves us.

Hymn # 72 says it beautifully:  Praise to the Lord, The Almighty

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!

O my soul, praise him, for he is thy health and salvation!

Join the great throng,

Psaltery, organ and song,

Sounding in glad adoration!

Praise  to the Lord! Over all things he gloriously reigneth.

Borne as on eagle wings, safely his Saints he sustaineth.

Hast thou not seen

How all thou needest hath been

Granted in what he ordaineth?

Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy way and defend thee.

Surely his goodness and mercy shall ever attend thee.

Ponder anew

What the Almighty can do,

Who with his love doth befriend thee.

Praise  to the Lord! Oh, let all that is in me adore him!

All that hath breath, join with Abraham's seed to adore him!

Let the "amen" 

Sum all our praises again,

Now as we worship before him.

Refections on my reading of the Psalms

I am so glad I took the time to read the Psalms - to really read them.

The writer of the psalms struggled with life. David had real enemies to deal with. His nation was at war a lot of the time. David had his personal challenges, too. He sinned and knew the sorrow of lives ruined. He lost a son and oh, how he grieved.

Still David knew the Lord. His Psalms are a roller coaster of emotions. Isn't that the way life is?  There may be some who lives simple good lives of faith strong enough to weather any storms. But that is not the norm.

Most of us have our ups and downs just as we see in the Psalms.

There is a psalm for every mood - a reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. Our feelings, our emotional ups and downs are the universal plight of mankind.

So we can find great comfort here in these verses.  This author is someone who understands, who has experienced what we have felt.

The amazing thing is that in the midst of all those struggles are some of the most beautiful scriptures ever have ever been written - words that lift us and give us hope. I end my journaling of the psalms by just remembering two of my favorites:

PSALM 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:

he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the 

paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: 

for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: 

thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: 

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalm 103: 11-12

For as the heaven is high above the earth, 

so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

As far as the east is from the west, 

so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.